TRAUMATISED DX

The after effect of me being bullied at my high school...

Im scared of men.

Whenever im sitting close with any other boys in my class, i will start to have this negative feelings which says that person hates me, they will laugh at me, they thinks im annoying and etc..

Which leads to anxiety disorder and i will stop talking. But ill still reply if they ask me any question. Its just i only reply what they want to know and i will have no other topics to talk back to them..

I already forgive the bullies in my school
But the scar remains..

Yes its true that i dont want to see the bullies at my school anymore..
But i think i already forgive them cause i stop thinking about making their life miserable.. Hahaha

But im being serious here..
The only men im ok with is my brother and cousins..

Can anyone help me overcome this stupid trauma?? It sucks when you cant even talks properly with your friends whenever u guys are alone..

Whats worst, they might think i become like that because i like them. When im not. Please.. Help me..

SYUKUR

Haru ni kelas habis awal.
Tp kelas habis lepas bas dah jalan.
Masa tu baru pukul 4ptg..
And next bas dtg pukul 5.30..

Sedih la jugak sebab besok ada test.
Kalau balik awal boleh la rehat kejap kat bilik..
Lepastu baca buku.

Sementara tggu kat bas stop tu, ada la lecturer kitaorg lalu.. Kitaorg pon buat muka seposen. Malu mintak tompang nak balik..Tp madam kata x boleh.. Hahaha

Pastu kitaorg usha la kereta dia dari jauh.. Kitaorg ckp antara kitaorg, "mdm.. Kereta mdm besar.. Nak tompang.. Haha" pastu siap mengharap yg konon2 nya bila dia keluar parking dia nak stop la kat dpn bas stop tu... Siap tadah tgn doa kat bas stop tu hoping mdm stop kereta nnt hahah

Tetiba masa tgh tggu,
Aku ternampak sir kitaorg KI haritu..
Dia mmg baik la.. Aku tegur la, "Sir.. " pastu dia nampak kitaorg.. Tetiba dia tanya, "Nak balik ke?" kitaorg of kos la jwb nakkkk hahaha pastu dia pon kata jom! Ya allah... Bersyukur sgt time tu...

Aku rasa tersedar bila perkara mcm ni berlaku..
Dan aku malu.

Malu pada maha pencipta yg sentiasa mendengar rintihan hati aku..
Tapi apa yang aku balas atas bantuannya?

Aku leka, aku lalai...

Sedarlah wahai diri,
Hari berlalu pergi,
Tapi engkau masih berdiri,
Menanti hari untuk berlari,
Ke arah ilahi...

Kalau bukan sekarang, bila lagi???
Pergilah mengabdikan diri..

NOVEMBER is here! BUSY MONTH ALERT!!

You don't believe me??
Up to you..
Just look at my planner..

HECTIC like hell hahaha

GAMBATTE MEEE!!! XD 

HUJAN..?

Korang suka cuaca apa?
Hujan? Panas? Mendung?

Personally, aku sangat suka hari hujan..
Bila hujan, aku rasa happy sgt..
Bila hujan, jugak aku rasa sepi..

Kenapa?

Mungkin sebab aku teringat arwah ayah bila hari hujan..
Just too many memories with him
And i love him so much..

Al-Fatihah.. Semoga ayah ditempatkan dalam golongan2 orang yg beriman..

Glad..

Im actually glad that theres not many people who follow me in this blog..

Because if there is, i would get really embarrassed!
Its because theres a lot of crazy post here..

Well, i did notice that its been a long time since the last time i updated my blog..

The thing is, i dont particularly have anything interesting to tell..

What i notice when read back all my post is, i used my blog to express all my feelings..

Yeah.. Lots and lots of rubbish in here..
Ayat madah, frustration, happiness, problems.. All is here.. Haha..

Since i already deleted my twitter acc, i have this urge where i need to update something, somewhere.. Im sure everyone who is a Y and Z generation would understand my feeling..

So i turn back to my blog.. Yes my long abandoned blog..

Hahaha.. So here i am.. Hope i will post more interesting stuff here.. For ME to read back in the future..

Twitter

I deleted my twitter account recently... 

I find it not healthy for my personality...
At first i thought by following my friends, i could at least know what problems they're having..
It is just so that i could help them..

But surely, the more knowledge you know about someone, comes more responsibility for you to keep it secret..

Well... 2 of my friends were fighting in twitter.. And i was stuck as a middle person.. And accidently scolded one of that friend for updating her status by saying it could worsen the fight..

Of course it didnt go well..
And i regretted my action.. If i didnt follow them, i wont be stuck in their fight in the first place..

And aten told me that ive change after I become addicted with twitter (which just happen recently)...

So in order to turn into the old me,
I deleted my twitter account..
I think that's for the best..
If they choose to tell me their problems, i would be glad to listen..
If not.. Id rather ignore it..

Its true when ppl say,
"IGNORANCE IS BLISS"

long time no see?

wow.. when was the last time i wrote anything in here?
i bet it was like ages ago.. poor u bloggie >w<\

well the reason y i even wrote anything here is bcoz i find that i cant do much with the limited internet access i have now that im in sarawak.
why am i in sarawak? hmm well, for starters, thats bcoz i get to continue my degree here
so whether i like it or not, i have to go! Dx

anyway.. its not bad once u get here its just i dont have much appetite than i used to coz almost all the food here makes me wanna puke T^T (its too sweet!!! i dont like sweet things T^T)

anyway, my head of faculty says that we minght not have any classes withing this 2 weeks.. so there u go..
i have a lot to say on the no class stuff but i think ill just skip it.. too lazy to type anyway..

im glad that there r like 10 of my friends r here.. at least its not as lonely u know..

OMG! RAGNAROK ONLINE 2!

Hola minna!

yeah i've been playing this since last year in SEA server but now, i'm playing in NA server!

yeah what i can say is

NA server are like 100000 times BETTER than the SEA server and the GM there really have done a good job in controlling the members there

no inflation and you sure can be rich fast by using the AH [if u are diligent in farming that is XD]

theres no inflation and theres a lot more to learn..

yeah.. i've done a lot improvement here in NA compared in SEA..

theres not so much different for cash user and non-cash user.. 

just that we got extra privilege of 30% drop rate, 20% speed increase and other good stuff

 rite now.. im kinda disappointed with myself coz i've turn into a person who use REAL MONEY in the game T^T 

i wasted RM 120++ and i dont even feel a bit of regret hahahaha

i think thats all i wanna say rite now.. bye n cya  (^^,)

Alhamdulillah

Nasib baik lah aku dapat prent CASEA ngan baik tadi and daat jawab soalan semua walaupun badan aku sakit2... Alhamdulillah...

Assignment, presentation, quizzes & test

My life in university right now has only just begun.. In two weeks, i have :-

• 3 written reports
• 3 presentation
• 3 quizzes
• 1 test
• And not to mention,my group & i have a short movie that we have to act, record and edit for this coming monday presentation..

And almost all of them has to be done at once!

This is my first challenge that i really have to overcome as a diploma student!

Because as things proceeds, i will also gain a new experience..
If i can overcome this challenge, i am sure that i will be able to finish my diploma with flying colours~ in shaa Allah..

I hope everything will go smoothly.