TRAUMATISED DX

The after effect of me being bullied at my high school...

Im scared of men.

Whenever im sitting close with any other boys in my class, i will start to have this negative feelings which says that person hates me, they will laugh at me, they thinks im annoying and etc..

Which leads to anxiety disorder and i will stop talking. But ill still reply if they ask me any question. Its just i only reply what they want to know and i will have no other topics to talk back to them..

I already forgive the bullies in my school
But the scar remains..

Yes its true that i dont want to see the bullies at my school anymore..
But i think i already forgive them cause i stop thinking about making their life miserable.. Hahaha

But im being serious here..
The only men im ok with is my brother and cousins..

Can anyone help me overcome this stupid trauma?? It sucks when you cant even talks properly with your friends whenever u guys are alone..

Whats worst, they might think i become like that because i like them. When im not. Please.. Help me..

SYUKUR

Haru ni kelas habis awal.
Tp kelas habis lepas bas dah jalan.
Masa tu baru pukul 4ptg..
And next bas dtg pukul 5.30..

Sedih la jugak sebab besok ada test.
Kalau balik awal boleh la rehat kejap kat bilik..
Lepastu baca buku.

Sementara tggu kat bas stop tu, ada la lecturer kitaorg lalu.. Kitaorg pon buat muka seposen. Malu mintak tompang nak balik..Tp madam kata x boleh.. Hahaha

Pastu kitaorg usha la kereta dia dari jauh.. Kitaorg ckp antara kitaorg, "mdm.. Kereta mdm besar.. Nak tompang.. Haha" pastu siap mengharap yg konon2 nya bila dia keluar parking dia nak stop la kat dpn bas stop tu... Siap tadah tgn doa kat bas stop tu hoping mdm stop kereta nnt hahah

Tetiba masa tgh tggu,
Aku ternampak sir kitaorg KI haritu..
Dia mmg baik la.. Aku tegur la, "Sir.. " pastu dia nampak kitaorg.. Tetiba dia tanya, "Nak balik ke?" kitaorg of kos la jwb nakkkk hahaha pastu dia pon kata jom! Ya allah... Bersyukur sgt time tu...

Aku rasa tersedar bila perkara mcm ni berlaku..
Dan aku malu.

Malu pada maha pencipta yg sentiasa mendengar rintihan hati aku..
Tapi apa yang aku balas atas bantuannya?

Aku leka, aku lalai...

Sedarlah wahai diri,
Hari berlalu pergi,
Tapi engkau masih berdiri,
Menanti hari untuk berlari,
Ke arah ilahi...

Kalau bukan sekarang, bila lagi???
Pergilah mengabdikan diri..

NOVEMBER is here! BUSY MONTH ALERT!!

You don't believe me??
Up to you..
Just look at my planner..

HECTIC like hell hahaha

GAMBATTE MEEE!!! XD 

HUJAN..?

Korang suka cuaca apa?
Hujan? Panas? Mendung?

Personally, aku sangat suka hari hujan..
Bila hujan, aku rasa happy sgt..
Bila hujan, jugak aku rasa sepi..

Kenapa?

Mungkin sebab aku teringat arwah ayah bila hari hujan..
Just too many memories with him
And i love him so much..

Al-Fatihah.. Semoga ayah ditempatkan dalam golongan2 orang yg beriman..

Glad..

Im actually glad that theres not many people who follow me in this blog..

Because if there is, i would get really embarrassed!
Its because theres a lot of crazy post here..

Well, i did notice that its been a long time since the last time i updated my blog..

The thing is, i dont particularly have anything interesting to tell..

What i notice when read back all my post is, i used my blog to express all my feelings..

Yeah.. Lots and lots of rubbish in here..
Ayat madah, frustration, happiness, problems.. All is here.. Haha..

Since i already deleted my twitter acc, i have this urge where i need to update something, somewhere.. Im sure everyone who is a Y and Z generation would understand my feeling..

So i turn back to my blog.. Yes my long abandoned blog..

Hahaha.. So here i am.. Hope i will post more interesting stuff here.. For ME to read back in the future..

Twitter

I deleted my twitter account recently... 

I find it not healthy for my personality...
At first i thought by following my friends, i could at least know what problems they're having..
It is just so that i could help them..

But surely, the more knowledge you know about someone, comes more responsibility for you to keep it secret..

Well... 2 of my friends were fighting in twitter.. And i was stuck as a middle person.. And accidently scolded one of that friend for updating her status by saying it could worsen the fight..

Of course it didnt go well..
And i regretted my action.. If i didnt follow them, i wont be stuck in their fight in the first place..

And aten told me that ive change after I become addicted with twitter (which just happen recently)...

So in order to turn into the old me,
I deleted my twitter account..
I think that's for the best..
If they choose to tell me their problems, i would be glad to listen..
If not.. Id rather ignore it..

Its true when ppl say,
"IGNORANCE IS BLISS"

long time no see?

wow.. when was the last time i wrote anything in here?
i bet it was like ages ago.. poor u bloggie >w<\

well the reason y i even wrote anything here is bcoz i find that i cant do much with the limited internet access i have now that im in sarawak.
why am i in sarawak? hmm well, for starters, thats bcoz i get to continue my degree here
so whether i like it or not, i have to go! Dx

anyway.. its not bad once u get here its just i dont have much appetite than i used to coz almost all the food here makes me wanna puke T^T (its too sweet!!! i dont like sweet things T^T)

anyway, my head of faculty says that we minght not have any classes withing this 2 weeks.. so there u go..
i have a lot to say on the no class stuff but i think ill just skip it.. too lazy to type anyway..

im glad that there r like 10 of my friends r here.. at least its not as lonely u know..

OMG! RAGNAROK ONLINE 2!

Hola minna!

yeah i've been playing this since last year in SEA server but now, i'm playing in NA server!

yeah what i can say is

NA server are like 100000 times BETTER than the SEA server and the GM there really have done a good job in controlling the members there

no inflation and you sure can be rich fast by using the AH [if u are diligent in farming that is XD]

theres no inflation and theres a lot more to learn..

yeah.. i've done a lot improvement here in NA compared in SEA..

theres not so much different for cash user and non-cash user.. 

just that we got extra privilege of 30% drop rate, 20% speed increase and other good stuff

 rite now.. im kinda disappointed with myself coz i've turn into a person who use REAL MONEY in the game T^T 

i wasted RM 120++ and i dont even feel a bit of regret hahahaha

i think thats all i wanna say rite now.. bye n cya  (^^,)

Alhamdulillah

Nasib baik lah aku dapat prent CASEA ngan baik tadi and daat jawab soalan semua walaupun badan aku sakit2... Alhamdulillah...

Assignment, presentation, quizzes & test

My life in university right now has only just begun.. In two weeks, i have :-

• 3 written reports
• 3 presentation
• 3 quizzes
• 1 test
• And not to mention,my group & i have a short movie that we have to act, record and edit for this coming monday presentation..

And almost all of them has to be done at once!

This is my first challenge that i really have to overcome as a diploma student!

Because as things proceeds, i will also gain a new experience..
If i can overcome this challenge, i am sure that i will be able to finish my diploma with flying colours~ in shaa Allah..

I hope everything will go smoothly.

DUGAAN DAN CABARAN..

6 hari (x termasuk sabtu & ahad) aku duduk kat u sem ni,
rasa macam dah sebulan lebih..
setiap detik dan saat tu rasa lama.. kecuali masa nak buat presentation.

ha?! presentation? bukan baru 6 hari ke kelas start?

yup.. aku dapat assignment pertama aku pada hari pertama kelas aku..
tadi aku present BEL 312..
besok pagi kol 8.30am, aku present PAD 310 pulak.

tapi bukan tu yang aku nak cerita..
aku nak cerita pasal cabaran2 yang jadi pada aku..
tuhan nak uji kita, macam2..
aku cuba untuk menerima dugaan tu dengan pasrah...
tapi sebab satu dugaan yang aku x boleh terima;
dugaan yang terjadi sebelum u start haritu..
kahidupan aku kat u sem ni rasa hambar giler!
relationship aku dengan kawan2 aku rasa cm dah teruk sikit sbb attitude aku..

My waist hurt!!

Today, my body is in the worst condition ever!
Why? Because my waist hurt like hell! Seriously..
I feel like a granny with a hurt waist right now..
Wanna know why it hurt?
Because yesterday I have tu bend for like countless of time in order to arrange the packages that have been pack by my cousins for our next catering...
We have to pack for 4000 pack of paper bag that contain of an apple, gardenia bread and water.
And I have to arrange all of them...

This is the very reason why my waist ache.. 

To bend and take the paper bags so that I can arrange them..

Well, you can say I am the one who arrange ALL of this ALONE....
Overall is 2,300 packages..
Ahhh.. My waist hurt...

xoxo
me

Judgemental

Judgemental = characterized by a tendency to judge harshly (MWebster Online) 

Sometime, I am amaze by the ability of our society in judging others.

I don't know either they are too perfect or what. 

But the way I see it, there is always a reason behind every actions.

A person cannot just explode and start to curse if there is nothing to curse about (unless if you're drunk). 

A girl didn't just born and became a lesbians.

A boy didn't just turn into a 'woman' right after they are born (unless if khunsa).

For example,

Situation 1 : Obesity

A : You must have eaten a lot right?

B : No I did not.

A : Then why is your stomach get so big? is it because of bloating?

B : No.. it is not bloating..

A : Hmmmph! This must be because you take bribe.. bribery is 'haram'! and living with that kind of money can make you FAT!

B : No I am not! I am pregnant.. and you are going to be a father.

A : O_O
(This example is taken from matluthfi90's vlog on YouTube)

Well, see?

There is always a reason behind every action and situation. 

That is why we shouldn't judge people because of who they are.

What is worst about our society is, 

that when these people want to turn good,

these judgemental people, never give them a chance!

They keep on criticizing these people in everything they do..

For example :
A : I am so sorry for what I have done before.. I know I am bad.. But I want to change..

B : Eh? weird.. You don't have to pretend to be good!!! We know who you are! you are a bitch! And a bitch will always be a bitch! Go to hell bitch!

.....

Sort of like that.

This is what I meant by not giving them chance to change.

Our society will keep on judging till the very end 

and because of those words, 

these people always think that it is no use for them to turn into a new leave.

Well, I am not perfect myself.. Nobody is..

but that is not the point.

If these problematic people try to change,

we should encourage them!

and not to judge them and discourage them. 

Maybe at first, they are not serious in changing..

But if we encourage them,

maybe they could have change for real.

We don't know.

So please, try.

xoxo

me

Sorry~

Because of my own laziness, in the end,
my blog page become a neko (cat) page with the pitter-patter of cat paws on it..
I am so sorry if you don't like it..

well, it my blog..
so who cares?
nobody read it anyway~
huhu

xoxo
me

WHAT HAVE I DONE???!!!

I am so sorry!!
what have i done to you my blog???
i did not intend for the layout to change like that..
why didn't i make a backup beforehand??

tomorrow is waiting for me..
i'll try to fix you tomorrow..
ok?

xoxo
me

The Irony in Friendship~

Sometime, when we lost something,
it means that we are going to receive something even more than what we lost.
but it only happen SOMETIMES... :)

you know, during the three semester of my life in UiTM Alor Gajah, Melaka,
a lot of things happens..
things that we wish to happen.. also things that we want to avoid..
but things happen..
and we cannot take back the things that have been done..

I lost a friend.. you know..
but who knows that after all that painful moment...
I met even more friends..
that I can really call friends..
those who are really there when I am in a pinch
and also when I am in my crazy, happy mode! :)

well, if you are not sincere to be with someone,
somehow your true colour will eventually appear..

lastly, I just want to say..
appreciate your friends and love them for who they are..
because if you can accept them for who they are..
they will accept you back for who you are! :)

don't expect them to accept you for who you are
when you keep on complaining about what you dislike in them.
if you do,
you, eventually, will be abandoned by them....
slowly...
one by one will leave you..
and when you realize it,
you have already moved from one clique to another..
trying to find someone who will accept you in their clique.

oh.. the irony...
I hope you are happy with the way you live now..

THE GIFT

i dont know why im feeling all emotional today... but i really am sorry to my friends if you get scolded by me last night... hahaha today is awin's birthday and we really did throw flour and eggs to her... hahaha but she also receive a lot of gifts last night.. hahaha check out her blog yourself~

AWIN'S BLOG

Btw, I wanna say sorry to my friends b'coz at that night, I don't know what has got into me... I was so moody that night especially to Atin.. hahaha orang paling teruk kena marah! LOL

love you guys so much! Dot, Atin, Awin~ ♥

Merdekakah Kita?

Semalam aku pergi tengok sambutan merdeka kat Dataran Pahlawan, Melaka.
fuh.. first time sambut merdeka macam tu selain dalam Dewan Budiman sekolah aku...
Memang BEST lah kan~ GEMPAK HABIS!

aku pergi 2 orang je.. ngan kawan aku Cyidot!
walaupun kesihatan aku x berapa sihat, aku pergi jugak! sbb aku x pernah sambut merdeka macam tu.. ;p

tapi lepas majlis sambutan dengan bunga api dah habis, semua orang balik...
majlis x habis lagi.. sbb dieorang ada nak sambut b'day budak2 yang lahir 31 ogos.. tapi padang dah kosong..

aku terfikir sekejap time tu... 

apa maksud merdeka bagi kita rakyat Malaysia ni?
adakah dengan buat count down, bakar bunga api, itu merdeka?
lepas tu, bendera Malaysia yang semangat dikibarkan masa letupan bunga api,
bersepah-sepah kat atas tanah...
BENDERA KEBANGSAAN KITA TU!!! WHAT HAPPEN TO MERDEKA???
buang macam tu je???

paling tak boleh belah, ada pulak mereka-mereka ni buat bersih time orang nak sambut merdeka...
nak tegakkan hak melalui bersih boleh.. tapi kenapa masa sambutan merdeka?
kau ingat orang yang sambut merdeka ni semua pro politik ke???
buat la time lain... budak kecik, bayi semua ada.. x ke bahaya kalau dieorang ni tersepit dalam kelompok korang?
korang nak apa buat bersih time merdeka??
nak bersihkan padang yang penuh ngan sampah sarap ni ke?
kenapa padang kotor je aku tgk
so..

 MERDEKAH KITA??

aku rasa sedih..
sebab walaupun dah 55 tahun merdeka, pemikiran rakyat Malaysia, masih di tahap yang ke-3.
lansung x de semangat nak menghargai perjuangan pahlawan-pahlawan negara yang berusaha nak memerdekakan negara ni..

apa yang masih ada, mentaliti masyarakat yang x merdeka dan hanya mahukan hiburan...

renungkanlah...

*dari anak merdeka yang sangat bersemangat nak menyambut merdeka*

DREAMS~

lately, i've been reading this manga titled BAKUMAN and it really makes me feel like i wanna be a comic editor.. haha

since i really like to read any comics i really feels like if i can be a comic editor, i can read a lot of good manga... especially if i'm a WEEKLY SHONEN JUMP editor.. i dont mind reading any genre if its comic.. but shonen is my favourite.. haha.. anyway.. ONE PIECE, NARUTO, BLEACH, BEELZEBUB, NURARIHYON NO MAGO, ORESAMA TEACHER are all shonen manga... and i really love them~

anyway, if you wanna synopsis about BAKUMAN, i am more than glad to tell you...

at first the story is just about a couple of boys who collaborate in order to write a manga.. one of them is the author (who writes the story), shuujin, and the other one is the artist (the one who draws), saikou.. the artist is in a love with the hottest girl in school, miho and that girl too is in love with him.. but they never really talk to each other... haha sweet if you ask me.. miho actually wanna become a voice actress..

after their graduation at junior high, shuujin take saikou to miho's house and at that time, she just arrive at her house and bout to enter until shuujin stops her.! then he said that saikou has some thing to say to her... at that time, of course saikou is nervous and he randomly ask her whether she really wanna be a voice actress despite the fact that she is a very shy person and she say yes~ they he said that he wanna be a mangaka.. when miho heard that, she promise that she will be a voice actor so that she can be in his anime..  then out of the blue, saikou say this "so when our dreams come true.. will you marry me?" wahahaha!!! i laugh at that!!! coz its so funny... they promise that they wont meet and just exchange the e-mail.. u see.. the story is fun.. but of course its not just that... they somehow manage to get their manga serialize.. he met a lot of other mangaka and become friends and rivals too...

but suddenly saiko get sick and need to have an operation and because of some tragedy that happen to saikou's uncle.. his manga was put into hiatus even when he is so against it...  then all of his friend decide to stop sending their manuscript so that the order to put saikou's manga to hiatus will be remove..

its fun.. and the're also a lot of ups and down in it especially when their manga was cancel because they cant get enough votes...

its fun...

and reading about how they describe about editor's work... some how i really feel that i could be happy while working if i can be editor... hehehe...

LOVE...?

haha do i have love problems lately???

i dont think so...

so why is there a lot of love updates on my facebook??

haha... i dont know myself...

what i know is it sadden me to see a girl with hijab to date with some guy 

holding hands... whats the point of hiding your hair if you give the guy other things that is far more important about you to the guy???

these days, i have this habit of observing people... 

i like to go to secluded area and search for couples... 

i saw a lot of couples.. from the one who are free hair...

to the couple who you can say "using ALLAH as a reason for loving"

whats the point of wearing hijab if you kiss?

whats the point of wearing long shirt if you hugged?

whats the point of wearing arm socks if you touch hands???

for those who did more than this...

think again.. why did you love him/her...

IS IT REALLY BECAUSE OF ALLAH??

OR IS IT JUST BECAUSE OF LUST?

please think about it... AND PLEASE STOP USING ALLAH AS A COVER FOR YOUR LUST!!!!

sesungguhnya, seorang perempuan itu tidah harus lah merendah- rendahkan maruhnya kerana seorang lelaki  kerana maruah seorang perempuan itu tidak boleh di cari ganti...