provoke

why is it when i try to prevent myself from hurting someone else's feeling,
they provoke me to do so??? why?

what would u think about this dialog in facebook:-

me: nasib tidak menyebelahi kami... mungkin ini bukan masanya lagi untuk kami... UiTM Shah Alam B telah memenangi perdebatan ini dengan margin 1, usul diterima 3 per 2 dewan.. pendebat terbaik ialah abang Mohd Afiem Yahya. Tahniah buat UiTM Melaka.. walaupun x dapat mara sehingga final, namun semua orang yang terlibat telah bersama-sama berusaha untuk mencapai pencapaian sejauh ni... Tahniah sekali lagi buat UiTM Melaka.

him:  ‎Nurul Izzah, kelas ayat kau yg ni..." nasib tidak menyebelahi kami"....owh lupeeerrrr.... kau kan pendebat mega....ahakz! kerja kau, tido komik cheezy wedges 2 siap extra cheese 2...terosss pendebat mega uolsss...meks x mampu...

i seriously don't know how to reply to that so i just keep quiet...

afraid

afraid.
somehow these feeling always chasing me lately.
i dont know why but i really do feel that i've been living in my fear lately..

the first reason why i feel this way is because i feel that if i just act like my usual talkative self,
i might hurt someone feeling...
my tone when i talk to people is always wrong..
and this always makes people misunderstand me
and i dont want to repeat the same mistake twice!

besides, my selfishness is also the reason why i act like this...
all i wish is that no one will be hurt because of me...
especially in this club.. i really love this club..
if its not because of this club, i would never be able to be who i used to be now..
i dont want the member of this club to hate me more...
coz i really2 want to stay in this club..

that is the reason why i choose to isolate myself for the best...
if i did that, i could never hurt anyone's feeling..
i think..
i hope that i'm right..

I HOPE YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND...

i really really love you guys...  :'(

Latihan Debat di Shah Alam

VANUE : UiTM Shah Alam

DAY      : Friday - Tuesday

DATE    : 19/8/2011 - 23/8/2011

TIME     : Sesi Pagi ~ 11am - 5pm

             Sesi Ptg  ~ 10pm - 6am

I dont have many comment.. its just..

I have so much fun here...

cuma x de banyak masa nak study lah... 

tapi boleh curi masa lg lah..<3

Don't mention about the quizzes yang I have to take this wednesday lah kan. hahaha..  

PORNOGRAPHY

what the lah kan..
haha
we have a speaking test 30 minutes from now..
and im searching about pornography..
the WAYS TO OVERCOME IT of course...
but then, why is it when we want to search pornography, its all there. and FREE.
but when it comes to WAYS TO OVERCOME IT or ITS DISADVANTAGE,
we need to PAY for the information!!

THIS SUCKS!

Friendship

In UiTM now i have a very close friend that i can call my bestfriend.
somehow, we always walk together because for some reason, we get into the same class,
get into the sme group in KOKU and our room, are just in front of each other's room..
lucky right? haha.. thats what i thought too...

she's a sweet girl...
she understands people, warm, caring, supportive, responsible, and deligent.
she have this hobby of learning about psycology and characteristic of people based on their horoscope, birth and others...
it good since she understand me and others...
but somehow i feel like my existance in my other friends heart are merely because of her...
if its not because of her, i'm just a nobody...
who is hated by everybody...

my problem is not with her. instead, my problems are with myself...
why is everything that i do seems wrong to her?
why?
i'm born to be a second child in my family..
based on the spycology research, a second child is very rebellious.
so there's a lot of negative charcteristics i suppose to have naturally...
its true, i have a lot of negative characteristics..

im loud, rushing, insensitive, selfish, talkative, hard headed, rude, proud, and many more that i dont even wanna say here..

it seems to me like she do not like and not comfortable with me whenever we are together alone..
she talk less with me.. and she gets angry fast... and when she's angry, she went silent and her face change into an emotionless face. i dislike that so much...
as a friend, all i want is to see my friends smile... but when i realize that i am the reason for her to sulk..
i feel bad.
i feel like i wanna avoid her.. because she looks happy that way...

i have this habit off mine too..
i always say that i hate them if i love them.. haha..
my mom, brother, and even her..
when i talk, it'll end up like "haha.. benci (name) !"
and lately, i've always talk like that to her..
so people always misunderstand me...
i hate myself for not being honest to my own self..

i'm sorry if i suddently back away from her since from what i see,
she already comfortable with some other friend of mine..

with love from deep dowm of my heart, izzah.

JUST TRYING TO BE MYSELF~

Yeah, i'm trying to be myself.. but i think in my heart

i still have this unknown feeling that makes me be someone else that i don't really like..

this feelings somehow makes me feel offended towards myself...

and i want to throw that feelings away...

but i dont know how...

or what i should do...

I WANNA LOVE MYSELF!

I WANNA BE MYSELF!

PLEASE~

ape ni gedik2?? thats is soo NOT ME!!!

talkative? maybe... but GEDIK???

WTF?

BLODDY HELL!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!

i don't say that i'm not gedik...

seriousely... GIRLS.. gedik kalau tak banyak pon sikit mesti ada punya~

BUT THEN I JUST FEEL THAT I'VE WENT OVERBROAD!!!

LOVE MYSELF..

THEN I'LL SEE THE REAL ME~

I JUST WANNA MAKE FRIENDS...

BUT SOMEHOR I FEEL LIKE I ONLY MAKE OTHERS HATE ME MORE...

I'LL PUT MY HEART INTO IT

TO KNOW MYSELF BETTER...

AND TO BE MYSELF~ <3

My Choice~

Well, for yous information, 

my first 4 choice that i apply for university is

1. ASASI TESL 

2. ASASI BAHASA INGGERIS

3. DIPLOMA TESL

4. DIPLOMA BAHASA INGGERIS...

but i dont get any of them...

but i get 

 DIPLOMA PENTADBIRAN AWAM 

instead... its my 5th choice... and my mom recommend it to me...

at first i feel like i cant take this course and no matter what, i have to take TESL..

but after a week at UiTM, i think i kinda   LIKE  and currently,

i'm trying to  LOVE  it! because~

dont you think so?? =3

but still, my mom always worry about me taking a theoretical course.. which means you need to read a lot!

yeah... then, i make me think like this~

owh yeah!!!! 

i wanna feel the pleasure when i see my mom's face

when i excel in this course~ well, who don't right?

so i said to myself,

because i know, if i put my mind in it,  I CAN DO IT! 

but it need a lot of   COURAGE  to make it a reality...

yes...  I WILL TRY MY BEST!  

because,

don't you think so?

so i decide to  DO IT RIGHT! 

STEPS~

WELL...

I AM.. WELL.. SORT OF...

I AM GOING TO STEP TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF MY LIFE...

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE HOW FAST TIME GOES BY...

IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY I WAS IN SEVENTH GRADE

AND TOMORROW, I'M GOING TO REGISTER MYSELF IN UiTM LENDU..

^        ^

( WoW )

( (        ) )

w     w

HAHA... BUT THAT'S THE BEGINNING OF MY WHOLE FUTURE...

THIS IS THE SO REASON WHICH CAN DETERMINE

WHAT I'M GOING TO BE IN THE FUTURE..

ITS TOO LATE TO TURN MY BACK NOW...

THIS IS WHERE I'M GOING TO CREATE MY FUTURE...

...BISMILLAHIRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Jerry~

jerry, kenapa kau tak macam tommy?
jerry, kenapa kau susah sangat nak kenal tuan kau ni??
jerry, kenapa kau macam blurr je setiap masa?
jerry, kenapa kau lambat sangat nak matang??
jerry, aku penat la jaga kau...
jerry, tolong lah bunyi / keluar bila aku panggil kau.. macam tom buat..
jerry, arini je da 2 kali kau lari...
jerry, kau tahu x tuan kau yang sorang ni sangat risau pasal kau????
jerry, kau tahu x yang aku jugak penat nak cari kau!!!
terutama sekali masa aku nak potong buah kau kat dapur tadi... kau lompat turun dari meja n terus lari bawah icebox! pastu bila aku jenguk bawah icebox, ko da lesap!mcm org gila aku tutup sume pintu tandas, pintu bilik, sume pintu sbb x nak kau msk kat tmpat yg bkn2 mcm lobang jamban!
jerry, tolonglah bukak hati kau untuk terima tuan kau ni... dah 2 bulan dah kot aku jaga kau ngan tom...
tapi kenapa tom boleh terima n buat baik ngan aku tapi kau x leh??? kenapa???
korang kan besar sesame...

TOLONG LAH JERRY... MAMA PENAT LAH! IF THIS GOES ON, I DONT THINK THAT I'M GOING TO LEPASKAN U FROM MY HAND OR BODY EVER AGAIN IF I LET U OUT OF THE CAGE. SERIOUSLY...

fade to notningness

AKU BOSAN GILA NAK MAMPOS!!!!!!!!!!
INGAT AKU NI PATUNG KE NAK SIMPAN KAT RUMAH JE???

I DESERVE SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS!

IF THIS GOES ON...I THINK I JUST GONNA DIE OUT OF BOREDOM!!!!

PLEASE LA!!!! LET ME GO FOR ONCE!!! YOU'RE OUT UNTIL 4AM IN THE MORNING, AND IM JUST GONNA STAY AT HOME... WITH NO MONEY AND WHATSOEVER...!!!

SUCKS R!!