TRAUMATISED DX

The after effect of me being bullied at my high school...

Im scared of men.

Whenever im sitting close with any other boys in my class, i will start to have this negative feelings which says that person hates me, they will laugh at me, they thinks im annoying and etc..

Which leads to anxiety disorder and i will stop talking. But ill still reply if they ask me any question. Its just i only reply what they want to know and i will have no other topics to talk back to them..

I already forgive the bullies in my school
But the scar remains..

Yes its true that i dont want to see the bullies at my school anymore..
But i think i already forgive them cause i stop thinking about making their life miserable.. Hahaha

But im being serious here..
The only men im ok with is my brother and cousins..

Can anyone help me overcome this stupid trauma?? It sucks when you cant even talks properly with your friends whenever u guys are alone..

Whats worst, they might think i become like that because i like them. When im not. Please.. Help me..

SYUKUR

Haru ni kelas habis awal.
Tp kelas habis lepas bas dah jalan.
Masa tu baru pukul 4ptg..
And next bas dtg pukul 5.30..

Sedih la jugak sebab besok ada test.
Kalau balik awal boleh la rehat kejap kat bilik..
Lepastu baca buku.

Sementara tggu kat bas stop tu, ada la lecturer kitaorg lalu.. Kitaorg pon buat muka seposen. Malu mintak tompang nak balik..Tp madam kata x boleh.. Hahaha

Pastu kitaorg usha la kereta dia dari jauh.. Kitaorg ckp antara kitaorg, "mdm.. Kereta mdm besar.. Nak tompang.. Haha" pastu siap mengharap yg konon2 nya bila dia keluar parking dia nak stop la kat dpn bas stop tu... Siap tadah tgn doa kat bas stop tu hoping mdm stop kereta nnt hahah

Tetiba masa tgh tggu,
Aku ternampak sir kitaorg KI haritu..
Dia mmg baik la.. Aku tegur la, "Sir.. " pastu dia nampak kitaorg.. Tetiba dia tanya, "Nak balik ke?" kitaorg of kos la jwb nakkkk hahaha pastu dia pon kata jom! Ya allah... Bersyukur sgt time tu...

Aku rasa tersedar bila perkara mcm ni berlaku..
Dan aku malu.

Malu pada maha pencipta yg sentiasa mendengar rintihan hati aku..
Tapi apa yang aku balas atas bantuannya?

Aku leka, aku lalai...

Sedarlah wahai diri,
Hari berlalu pergi,
Tapi engkau masih berdiri,
Menanti hari untuk berlari,
Ke arah ilahi...

Kalau bukan sekarang, bila lagi???
Pergilah mengabdikan diri..

NOVEMBER is here! BUSY MONTH ALERT!!

You don't believe me??
Up to you..
Just look at my planner..

HECTIC like hell hahaha

GAMBATTE MEEE!!! XD 

HUJAN..?

Korang suka cuaca apa?
Hujan? Panas? Mendung?

Personally, aku sangat suka hari hujan..
Bila hujan, aku rasa happy sgt..
Bila hujan, jugak aku rasa sepi..

Kenapa?

Mungkin sebab aku teringat arwah ayah bila hari hujan..
Just too many memories with him
And i love him so much..

Al-Fatihah.. Semoga ayah ditempatkan dalam golongan2 orang yg beriman..

Glad..

Im actually glad that theres not many people who follow me in this blog..

Because if there is, i would get really embarrassed!
Its because theres a lot of crazy post here..

Well, i did notice that its been a long time since the last time i updated my blog..

The thing is, i dont particularly have anything interesting to tell..

What i notice when read back all my post is, i used my blog to express all my feelings..

Yeah.. Lots and lots of rubbish in here..
Ayat madah, frustration, happiness, problems.. All is here.. Haha..

Since i already deleted my twitter acc, i have this urge where i need to update something, somewhere.. Im sure everyone who is a Y and Z generation would understand my feeling..

So i turn back to my blog.. Yes my long abandoned blog..

Hahaha.. So here i am.. Hope i will post more interesting stuff here.. For ME to read back in the future..

Twitter

I deleted my twitter account recently... 

I find it not healthy for my personality...
At first i thought by following my friends, i could at least know what problems they're having..
It is just so that i could help them..

But surely, the more knowledge you know about someone, comes more responsibility for you to keep it secret..

Well... 2 of my friends were fighting in twitter.. And i was stuck as a middle person.. And accidently scolded one of that friend for updating her status by saying it could worsen the fight..

Of course it didnt go well..
And i regretted my action.. If i didnt follow them, i wont be stuck in their fight in the first place..

And aten told me that ive change after I become addicted with twitter (which just happen recently)...

So in order to turn into the old me,
I deleted my twitter account..
I think that's for the best..
If they choose to tell me their problems, i would be glad to listen..
If not.. Id rather ignore it..

Its true when ppl say,
"IGNORANCE IS BLISS"